Things that make you go “hmmmm”…
How can you be arrested for
resisting arrest?
What's the youngest you can die of old age?
It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet,
what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Every so often, go to the window, look
up, and smile for a satellite picture.
When you have a kid, buy one of
those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking
frantic. When the kid gets older, I'd tell
him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.
When a clown dies, do all his friends go to the funeral in one car.
Name your next dog 'Stay'. When you teach him to "Come here, Stay!” after
a while the dog will go insane and not move at all.
Get a humidifier and a dehumidifier. Put them in the same room and let them
fight it out.
Build your next house out of balsa wood.
When you want to scare the neighborhood kids lift it over your head and
tell them to get out of your yard or you'll throw it at them.
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja’-vu at the same
time. I think I've forgotten this before.
Say “I'm so hyper” with a very dull voice.
Send a postcard picture of the earth. On the back have it say,
"wish you were here."
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
When someone asks if you slept well, tell them “No, I made a
couple of mistakes.”
What's another word for Thesaurus?
If you get real bored, drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in
your car and count how many people ask if you’re leaving.
You can't have everything. Where would
you put it?
Give a walkie-talkie to your child for their birthday. Then say “If you’re
good, I'll
give you the other one next year.”
Smoking cures weight problems, eventually.
Is ‘a tired old cliché’ one?
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
If the sign says ‘Eight items or less’, tell the cashier your name is Les.
In school, every period ends with a
bell. Every sentence ends with a period.
Every crime ends with a sentence.
If you Xerox a mirror, do you get an extra Xerox machine?
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
The other day I... no wait, that wasn't me.
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
If you melt dry ice in a pool and
go swimming, will you get wet?
Do you think that when they asked George
Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
Replace the headlights on your car with strobe lights so it looks like you’re
the only one moving.
Buy some gift-wrap as a present for Christmas. Take it to the Gift Wrap
department and ask them to wrap it.
When someone asks you how long
you’ll be gone, tell them ‘the whole time.’
When no one’s looking, do rabbits stand in front of a candle making shadows of
people on a tree?
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Who was the first person to look at
a cow and say, "Hey, I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink
whatever comes out"?
Why do toasters always have a
setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being
would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in
the freezer?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one
cares, why is there a song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
If the professor on Gilligan's
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!
Why ARE Trix only for kids?
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money
to buy all that Acme stuff, why didn't he just buy food?
Why is a person that handles your money called a
'Broker'?
If corn oil is made from corn, and
vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
What was better than sliced bread before their was
sliced bread?
How is it possible to have a Civil
War?
Why do people think that 'ALL
NATURAL' products are always somehow better for them? Arsenic is all natural
and so is cyanide, aren't they?
Just what flavor is 'Original'?
Why do women always open their
mouth when they put on mascara?
Why is it impossible to keep your
eyes open when you sneeze?
How come you can't tickle yourself?
Why don't cartoon characters ever change clothes?
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated
instead of just murdered?
If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a
"penny" for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in
for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good
idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake
up like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
Why are you IN a movie, but your ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to
look at things on the ground?
How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked
anyway.
If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?